What ancient weapons would still be practical today?
By - Chaperoo
Poison is such an effective (and horrible) weapon that we have to ban it from modern warfare.
Edit: Biological *and Chemical* Warfare is banned.
Even Hitler wouldn't use Mustard Gas after seeing its destructive power.
Didn't he get gassed in WWI and spend a while in a hospital?
He also made sure Germans had showers in bunkers in case of gas attacks. He didn't want them to experience what he went through.
*edit: Yes, yes. There's also that one time where he had six million Jews exterminated. I'm well aware.
Something else about Hitler: a lot of people are aware of the paradox? irony? idunno? in that Hitler was a vegetarian. He wasn't actually a vegetarian out of personal choice, but rather had a lot of gastric problems that necessitated a meat-free diet (more or less; he could have some meat product in his meal, but not much). However, he passed laws that were very pro-animal welfare and did not like to see animals suffer. For instance, he hated the practice of hunting IIRC.
Wow what a nice guy
[Thanks for the Nazi Gold](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXxkFd3lHaM)
TIL Hitler was nice
Reddit: "Hitler had some ok ideas"
Adolf Hitler was a great environmentalist.
He protected animals, used chemicals in controlled environments, pioneered environmentally friendly cars with solid MPG for the time, led a nuclear program that was clearly not trying to build weapons to destroy other countries, and slaughtered a sizable portion of Europe as he realized ridding the world of humans was the greatest thing he could do. Then he killed himself, like all the great environmentalists do.
Guess it makes sense to call him a Carbonazi.
Japan's Unit 731 was started because Japan learned of Biological Warfare's international illegalization and thought "If it's illegal, it must be a great weapon."
Japan also used chemical weapons extensively during WW2 but only against nations that did not have the ability to retaliate with chemical weapons
Did a whole report on Unit 731. They sent bombed Chinese cities with infected fleas multiple times, poisoned Chinese wells. Unit 731 is scary yet morbidly interesting.
The US poached the "scientists" from that unit and gave them immunity after the fact so we could get a hold of their "research" that was ultimately useless.
Edit: History Chan Video on [unit 731](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgtIyNRv3g8) that does not involve aliens
Yes, a lot of it was. There were some that did turn out useful. The only one I can remember though is they discovered the best treatment for frostbite ate the time. THough how they researched was pretty horrifying as was the rest of their research.
Poison was often banned from ancient warfare too.
I'm pretty sure it's not in Modern Warfare 2.
Guard dogs have been practical weapons for thousands of years.
No one fucked with Wilma when Fred wasn't around because Dino would fuck them up.
But who could stop Dino?
BamBam. Children are pets natural enemies. And that damn child had a fucking club.
It really is pretty bad parenting to give your freakishly strong and out of control son a giant club.
Bashing people's heads with rocks is just as effective today as it was in the past.
the human skull has not made many developments in rock deflecting capabilities despite the continuous deaths caused by skull crushing.
Science, making us look like a bitch since year 0
That's not a knoife.
I see you've played knifey spooned before...
Edit: That should be spooney not spooned. Please pretend that it says spooney.
Read it as spooney anyway. Even before your edit.
Riot Police still use shields.
And clubs, the most ancient of weapons.
Edit: Besides fists.
Ah, yes... clubs!
A gladiatorial arena where dance and song provide the greatest weapon of all... love.
Well, and drunk dudes rubbing boners on standard inhibited women.
The University of Maryland still uses Testudo, as well
Well shit, there went Tokyo...AGAIN.
Fun fact: Testudo is Latin for tortoise.
Fire. Once flung with a catapult. Now dropped from multi-million Dollar aircraft.
I'm sure the US still has napalm and white phosphorous in their inventory.
We use fire to transport fire, which is released in a big ball of fire.
so really the whole point of our existence is to propagate fire!
Thank you Prometheus.
No problem bro
I have read the Navy SEALS would like to use hunting bows from time to time, but are not allowed to.
Why aren't they allowed to?
Might violate some treaty. But my guess is that no CO ever wants to explain why his team lost a man while trying to use bows. The SEALS contend that in urban night missions they would be very effective. Modern compound bows with modern tips mind you.
They're very quiet and can be very accurate if you know how to use it.
I own a compound bow and some guns, I am a lot more accurate with a bow than with a pistol and if I had only 1 shot to kill a bear I would take my bow before my 1911 pistol. Bows are a lot more efficient weapon than people might think.
would a .45 do that much to a bear?
The only realistic way you take down a bear with a single arrow or 45 acp round is if you surprise it. This is proper hunting technique. You get a good broadside shot in, and it breaks into a full sprint- far faster than you could ever run. Then you have to track it a long while.
I say a while because it takes time for the fucker to go down. And by "go down" I do not mean die. Much of the time it's still alive and pissed off. This would be the same case for a much smaller, weaker (but still very dangerous) deer.
The armchair CCW heroes telling you they could take out a charging bear with a .45 are delusional. A softpoint round travels differently in prey, ask any hunter who isn't a gear nerd sitting in a tree stand. I've seen a razorback shot in the head with a .44 mag only to see it continue on. Evolution has made sure than these animals have thick heavy bodies, far beyond anything we have. Fat, meat, heavy hides and heavy bones at sharp angles. They are fighters crafted by the merciless hand of nature. A .45 acp is designed to stop our broad exposed frail bodies. We're so weak we routinely die if we slip and crack our heads on a rock or the pavement.
I'm not saying it can't be done, but I will say that you don't see any gun companies selling .45's as [bear defense guns](http://www.ruger.com/products/superRedhawkAlaskan/models.html). There's a reason that they are at the very least .44 magnums.
"Okay, go for silent takedown."
"SHIT! I forgot they go twang..."
Just put a silencer on the bow, duh.
You may joke but they exist and are actually quite common.
This thread is like a Monty Python sketch.
Target archer here.
[They do exist](http://www.archerytalk.com/vb/showthread.php?t=1053212).
"Is beaver hair one of the better sting silencers or are the cat whiskers just as good?"
I need to pick up archery.
If you had scrolled down a bit you would have encountered the much weirder
> if you have a longbow or a thunderbird type of bow where the string does not really touch the limbs then the beaver balls or hush balls work great
Exist and work!
That's my slogan for life.
You can make them not go "twang"
I've heard mouse farts louder than a good hunting bow.
You sound like you've heard a mouse fart.
Twangs are too loud. Switch back to the Assault Rifle!
Greek fire. Can't stop that shit.
We kind of still use it, it's called napalm.
I thought it was banned.
Probably, I imagine it's up there among the worst ways to die ever.
Don't worry we have white phosphorus
that is some nasty shit when it's used against people. It's approved for illumination but not as a weapon.
What if you want to illuminate people?
"We then took the position by strategically illuminating enemy forces."
"**WE ARE GOING TO SEE THE SHIT OUT OF THAT POSITION**"
burning cover/concealment and equipment as well.
"I can't see what's in those trees.... Oh, people."
Oh man... Spec Ops: The Line... those people.
On a similar note, the Trojan horse.
Like who woudn't be fooled by that sneaky shit?
I don't know about you but if someone tried to sneak a big wooden horse in my house I'd be somewhat suspicious.
If UPS showed up at your house with a giant box, addressed to you, you'd probably let it in.
Fuck...you are correct. I need to rethink my home delivery system now to avoid being overrun by Greeks
have you stolen any Spartan wives recently
DID SOMEONE BUY ME A CAR FROM AMAZON?
Well of course you say that now. Anyways, they don't sneak it in, silly. It comes as a gift.
Ah yes, just like when I eat a bunch of feta.
And mixed greens
If a detective pulled out a mace or a flail during an interrogation, I bet he'd get some answers.
"The old good cop bad cop routine?"
*turns on lights, medieval knight was behind the chair the whole time with a mace*
"Never start with the head, the victim gets all fuzzy..."
WHERE ART THEY
If the Dark Knight took place in a medieval period, the villain should totally be called the Jester instead.
I never knew how much I wanted this until now.
I would watch the shit out of this. A Dark Knight, thought to be evil, continuously risks his life to save a town from an evil warlock in disguise as the king's jester.
I don't think an urban dance style is going to help in this situation.
Don't judge us, old man
You're a loose cannon Lancelot!
I'm gonna need your badge and halberd
I go by my own rules now!
I dont wanna see you anywhere NEAR this case.
The kings gonna have my head and the town criers gonna have a field day with this!!
Just what I needed, Lancelot - another hot-shot in my department. Well boys, looks like a round of mead at the tavern tonight on me.
*shot of scruffy police chief in tunic sitting at the bar with his head down*
Lancelot! Turn in your heraldry! You're riding a desk for the next 30 days!
If a detective pulled out a nutcracker during an investigation, I bet he'd also get some answers.
Like, the little wooden soldiers? Yeah they're creepy, but not quite creepy enough to make me confess to armed robbery....
Very small rocks
[You people would like this guy](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Churchill)
Mad Jack was undoubtably an increasingly fucked up dude.
Amazing and badass yes, but probably had serious mental issues.
The thing was that his tactics worked because they where unexpected. If 1000 guys where running around with claymore a and longbows they'd be severely underpowered. He just happened to be at the cutting edge of surprise.
then there was one ballsy Scotsman that was playing the pipes on a beach while under fire from Germans. the Kilted Wonder never got hit and when asked the Germans said they never aimed for him because he was surly out of his mind
He's like a real life [Demoknight](http://nogamenotalk.com/files/2011/07/tf2guide_demoman02.jpg)
SO COME AND GET ME, I SAY. I'LL BE WAITIN' ON YE
Spears. Modern militaries still use them; they just combine them with guns and call them bayonets. When push comes to shove and you're in close with some asshole who wants you dead, a sharp thing on a stick is still the way to go.
They came from the primitive desire to stab from a distance.
Let's be honest...
We have a deep seeded desire to kill the other guy from as far away as possible.
“The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”
If only there was some way I could *throw* flame *on* them.
It could have ended right there, but he happened to mention it to his friend...his friend who was Good With Tools. And he came back about a month later..."hey, Bill! Quite a concept!" *FOOOOOSH.*
So of course the army heard about it, and they came around. "We'd like to buy about 500,000 of these, please. We have some people that we would like to throw flame on. Give us 500,000 and paint them dark brown. We don't want anyone to *see them*."
(You stopped in the middle!)
Putting the heads of our enemies in trebuchets and slinging then across enemy lines during battle.
Pointy stick, nothing convinces me of an aggressors dedication to an attack more than a pointy stick.
Getting all high and mighty, eh? Fresh fruit not good enough for you?
/r/pocketsand is trying to escape again, code beige.
Modern riot police formations with shields look an awful lot like Roman battle formations.
they ARE roman battle formations. Specifically the Testudo.
Gunpowder was invented in the 9th century in China and we still use it today.
Similarly, the Chinese used continuous flamethrowers as early as 11th century (as naval warfare). Simple fire bombs go way farther back.
Since the origin was fireworks, I have to imagine that the idea of using it as projectiles evolved from drunk Chinese frat boys in like 899 shooting them at eachother, when one of them dies from his injuries.
But maybe that's just the American way of inventing things.
Gunpowder has since been replaced with a smokeless alternative though...
How did noone say a fucking axe? Axes have been a core tool and weapon in the history of mankind and are still used today for cutting wood, meat and people, depending on circumstance. Due to their shape and weight centre they can be thrown at large distances, that meaning that you could kill a motherfucker while he's trying to escape. Now try and throw a sword, chances are you might lose a hand.
In zombie apocalypse, fire axe is the way to go! ^and ^cowbar
EDIT: Fine, fine, I misspelled crowbar! It was a beautiful mistake, I regret nothing!
Molten silver poured down the eyes and throats of your opponents.
It doesn't take any advanced skills to use. Blunt force trauma is much more effective than cutting with blades and doesn't need to be directed as precisely. If you want the modern equivalent, get a collapsible baton.
collapsible baton don't have the intimidating effect, they look so silly
Ever been hit by one?
I don't remember.
Just that sound. *shink* ooooooh. I want one.
On a scale from potato to Sun Tzu, i rank your combat skills somewhere around steamed broccoli
Honestly steamed broccolli sounds less intimidating than a potato.
You know how bad ass those guys on TV look when they whip out the baton without looking? Well I had never really used one of these thing's before and was not prepared for the weight of the metal ball on the end or for how hard you have to whip these things open, So there I am waiving this thing in a straight line up in down in front of me and loh and behold "Shlick" "crunch" followed shortly by OHMYGODWTFIAMDYING levels of pain.
You brutalized yourself.
But you posted about it honestly, and that makes you a badass.
A guy riding a mammoth, that shit is unstoppable.
providing all conditions were optimal, let's equip said guy with The Magic Conch. try and stop that
We need to bring war elephants back!
They're all dying fast enough without no damn war though.
Maybe they have nothing to live for without war.
Basic military strategy.
I read Sun Tsu's The Art of War many years ago, and reading it I kept thinking to myself "Of course. This is obvious. Everyone does it." Then it would hit me that everyone does it, *because* they understand basic military strategy.
I read this too it's like. "Be sure to be early, but not too early, you'll get tired and stressed", I was not overly impressed until I thought about it.
Imagine a military tactical trebuchet. All blacked out and with computers and sensors. It would throw shit so good
Edit: yes I know mortars are similar. Yes I know it "throw shit so well". No I'm not changing it
I believe they call that artillery.
What if we could throw something other than explosive rounds. Maybe personnel. Like wing suit soldiers or something.
But none of that is really practical vs what we already have.
I just got a new idea for a very dangerous yet amazing amusement park ride.
[The brits beat you to it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqzunKZr3Eg). Too bad someone missed the net and died, ruining it for the rest of us.
The vid made it sound like every person who launched suffered injuries of some kind.
They all had painfully massive boners
im sorry, i may be just a simple construction worker, but **WHY THE FUCK DIDNT THEY STOP WHEN HIS WIFE BROKE HER NECK??**
Because that's how you know it's a good ride.
If only they could have fit that same guitar rift in a few more times
Imagine the Australian military lunching a battalion of parakangaroos on their enemies? Armed with boxing gloves dipped in poison and little killbots hidden inside their pouches.
That's called an M777 155mm howitzer.
Imagine that fucker being used at the siege of Troy
Would be a pretty short siege.
I constantly think how a single piece of modern tech could just completely change history if it was sent back in time. Like, imagine if we sent a fucking AC130 or an Apache attack helicopter back to the siege of Troy.
If you'll remember [this popular post explored that a bit](http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/k067x/could_i_destroy_the_entire_roman_empire_during/c2giwm4).
Kukris. No one fucks with Gurkhas.
Longbows. When made correctly they tend to be as powerful as a crossbow but have a bigger range. Also more precise.
Also, bow ties.
Bill Nye is one dangerous motherfucker.
Bill Nye, the archery guy
For whatever it's worth, when I'm playing Civilization V, I keep my English Longbowmen well into the industrial era.
The longbow does need to be used by a highly trained bowman to be precise or particularly effective. They also were used most effectively in large numbers and as an indirect (high arching lobbed round), I don't think anyone wants to specialize that many soldiers for that purpose in this era.
But I do wonder what large numbers of them would have accomplished in WWI trench warfare.
Upgrade those bitches! They keep their +1 range when they upgrade, so you get unstoppable range-2 gatling guns
I actually knew what all of these weapons were already. Thanks Diablo 2.
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side.
Ancient weapons? Jedis were all over the place 20 years ago Han.
Doesn't mean lightsabers aren't ancient. They were invented thousands of years ago at the time.
An elegant weapon, for a more civilized age.
Like 30 years prior, during the Clone Wars. When everyone and their mother knew what a Jedi was.
Some guys wanted me to join their gang cause I'm pretty good with a bowstaff
Edit: yes I now know it's a "bo staff". Sorry my knowledge of staffs isn't satisfactory for you all.
I don't know about all of you, but a glaive or a halberd is still pretty useful, just a bit longer.
Taking into assumption the history channel is accurate, alien lasers.
Are you kidding, everyone knows these were like the ak47 of their day, cheap, reliable and easy to use. It's a Damn shame they were all lost the day photography was invented.
Well, you know, the one weakness of aliens is photography. They're allergic to it.
Oddly enough ghosts, Sasquatch, vampires and zombies have the same allergy. Crazy coincidences huh?
I'm just waiting for some conspiracy nut to try and tell us that they aren't "allergic", but it's because they're "fictional" and don't "actually" exist. Keep believing that sheeple (I mean no offense to New Zealanders when I say sheeple).
you should be apologizing to the Welsh...
Sexy single lambs want to meet YOU!
"Awww, but they're all the way in New Zealand..."
Want to meet EWE!!!
I remember reading stories about how Mexican drug cartels were using catapults to launch giant bags of drugs over the border.
A good knife will cut a coconut
Your logic is sound