Close down the 14 tabs I didn’t get to
Do you close your tabs?
...I have multiple windows for "later" but later never comes lol
That's called "save post" on Reddit
Except reddit only lets you save 1000 posts
You can save more but you can only see the 1000 most recent, when you’re done with a saved post got unsave it and get to the older ones
Oh thank fuck, thanks
Had a mini "no fucking way" moment for a sec there
I should fix my save/tab hoarding writing this makes me embarrassed lmao
My guy knows from experience
He's not the only one cursed with knowledge.
TIL there's a post saving limit.
Hey, 1 out of 15 ain’t bad.
Question my choice in porn
“Damnit, how did I end up on ‘cucked by a zombie’ again?”
Of course that's a category
Everything has a category. A friend told me
That’s just Rule 34 in action.
It always starts of with normal level intent. Then you end up down the rabbit hole
Same bro.... Same *sigh*
Wash my hands and fall asleep
Post nut is like the best melatonin.
Wait you’re supposed to wash your hands?!? Or is that just something people say they do, like that they “definitely don’t pee in the shower”
I am not going to fall asleep with cum on my hands. Wake up and rub my eyes...learned that the hard way. No pun intended.
Did your eye get pregnant?
Can my eye get PREGANANANT?!
Edit: thanks for the nice awards.
Can eye get preganté
Can I get *𝓹𝓻𝓮𝓰𝓸𝓷𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓮?*
Am I gregnant?
How to tell if pargnant
Dangerops prangent sex?
Can hurt babby top of head?
Hahaha fair, I use equipment that gets tossed into a basket and cleaned the next day so my hands aren’t involved at all.
May I introduce you gentleman to the shower jerk?
But remember to use cold(ish) water
May I ask why?
If you use hot water, sperm becomes this solid stringy substance
Ahhh so that’s why it’s like that when I take hot showers
**Sigh** *Takes out a lab coat and beakers*
Approach it scientifically. First ejaculate into a glass of cold water and watch it disperse, then do the same into a glass of really hot water and note the difference. Obviously, set up cameras to capture the events and don't forget to update your masturbation journal. Your findings including evidence should then be published on reputable media like Reddit.
no u don’t it gets sticky and sticks to u
Aaaand this is why I'm a germaphobe and don't touch people's hands
Just don't wash your hands after you finish either and then your dick germs will battle it out with their dick germs when you touch hands. May the stronger dick's germs win
“Wait you’re supposed to wash your hands?!?”
Turn off the Goofy Movie
She was hella cute
I was talking about max, but yeah Roxanne was that, too.
Wait... Max and Roxanne? Fuck... I though y'all were taking about Goofy... It's all about the man himself...
Face down, ass up, that’s the way I like to hyuck.
I mean I haven't seen it since I was a kid but between Roxanne and that girl with the beret... made more furries than Maid Marian imo.
I guess if theres already cum everywhere, some pee wont hurt.
Peeing always hurts, that's normal
Especially if its red, signs of a healthy body.
My body makes SO much blood it needs to flush out the excess.
Yes, it’s flushing out the deadly toxins in your blood
Flushing out the deadly blood in your toxins.
It’s just weakness leaving the body
Yup. Username checkouts.
It actually hurts a little when I pee right after nutting
If i pee afterwards then i get a tingly kinda feeling in my dick and i intend to pee frquently like every 2 minutes if i pee after wanking..and if i pee beforehand then i cant get it hard enough to wank..should i see a doctor?
This is because water tends to separate the actual semen from the seminal fluid (if you've ever jacked off in the shower you know what I mean) and because of the sudden release of tension (loss of blood flow which engorges the penis during arousal). Without seminal fluid, actual semen is incredibly adhesive and your urethra is highly sensitive for several minutes following ejaculation. So you have residual semen in the urethra which is rapidly stripped of it's lubrication and left to adhere to sensitive tissue lining your urethra.
Personally, I find that it helps significantly when I able to get an erection immediately after a post-ejaculate urination. The actual burning sensation does not stop, but arousal does tend to lessen the "false urge" to urinate which typically accompanies the burning sensation.
EDIT: I am not a doctor.
this was an answer to a problem i've had several times with no explanation before.
Holy shit I've been wondering why the fuck this happens to me FOR YEARS. Like since I was a teenager. It happens only every so often, but holy shit it's nice to have an explanation finally. Thank you.
Thank God I'm not the only one that happens to, though I find it usually only burns after drinking alcohol. Hopping in the shower helps significantly
If you pee before hand you can’t get hard?
Do you have urine for blood?
That’s normal. It happens if some semen didn’t make it out. Yeah it sucks.
Oh thank God I opened this thread to see if this was mentioned lmao
Yep, gotta clean the pipes
Peeing after masturbation helps clean out your urethra and can help prevent UTIs... apparently
I can’t pee for at least a half hour after. The muscles are seized and just will not let go. Never had a UTI (dare I say knock on wood).
I do this beforehand
What about during
Wonder why I spent so long looking for the "perfect video" if I was only gonna watch 17 seconds of it
Edit: I don't think I could be any prouder that my most upvoted/awarded comment on Reddit is about masturbating. Thank you everyone. I'm gonna go rub one out now and I'll be thinking of all of you.
Honestly for me, it’s finding the “perfect video” that is like foreplay. >! If I’m not touching myself while finding it, I’m getting hornier and hornier until I do, !< and then the end result is amazing.
Edit: this is not what I thought I’d be famous for but thank you, I appreciate all you horny motherfuckers
Having part of your text hidden and having to click on it to see all of what you're saying was like foreplay to me
Honestly that’s what it was meant to convey so you’re welcome
Thank you, I just came
what do you do as soon as you finish mastrubating?
Comment about it on Reddit, of course!
This is honestly one of my favorite little threads that I’ve read in quite some time, and I’ve been here for 8 years. Thank you. Thank all of you horny pervs.
Can confirm. This is how it feels.
I know right that always fuking happens
I have never seen a porn movie full
Edging. I'm telling you. It'll take your masturbation to the next level
ima fall asleep mid edging
Edge through the night then wake up and continue edging.
This guy mastrubates
Watch Linus Tech Tips
Edit: the amount of upvotes is now higher than my TVs resolution.
OP said after, not during.
Linus Sex tips 😳😳
I want to eat that RGB Linus bussy
I meant what I said, and I said what I meant.
Go BACK to watching Linus Tech Tips
You mean, CONTINUE watching Linus Tech Tips
“Step motherboard, are you stuck? Do you need some RAM or do you have too much load? Let me give you a hard drive…or do you prefer solid state?”
BRB…I’ve got a tube leaking…
I have done this a couple times in my life
You mean...[LINUS SEX TIPS?](https://youtube.com/shorts/Iv2kKbb9cNU?feature=share) 😳😳
I'm afraid to click that link
Watch it for few minutes for the plot in disgust.
Or continue to watch it just to see if you're as into it after as you were before, then shamefully realize the lack of appeal.
This, for some reason the 'into it' drops by miles afterwards for me. Doesn't matter the content.
That's the blood rushing back to your logic centers
Seriously though. Then fucking purge my phone of all trace. And try and figure out why I needed to do that.
I prefer Pawg Patrol
Is that the one with Sara Jay dressed as a dog?
You ever realize paw patrol and papa troll sound identical out loud?
That fact is going to live in my head rent free for days.
Man I love porn with good plot and acting. I'm a gay dude, and there this one porno where a guy sleeps with his sisters boyfriend.
But they went all out on plot, the guy and his sisters parents died when they were young and they had to look out for each other, to the point you really felt the betrayal when she walked in to see her bf going to town on some D.
It was actually really well written, and the only time I've watched a porno and thought "Stop, you'll ruin your family!"
I masturbate again
Everytime i think ill go for 2 rounds, but every time after the 1st its just sadness, just sadness and dissapointment
Edit: and close incognito tab
You gotta give it an hour or two. Cool down time.
Nah, back to back.
Make as much eye contact as possible while leaving the library.
You take the dominant approach… smart
What if you meet another doing the same?
Sigh disappointedly and clean up.
I knew this was going to be the top coment even before clicking on this post.
I thought the top comment would be “cry”
I don’t cry, I weep.
why do i always feel so ashamed after im done about what ive watched
Post nut clarity
Why can’t I have this clarity beforehand?
You can...before you start. Just "play the tape through to completion," as my therapist once told me. Think beforehand about what the end result will be, and if it's weeping into a tissue that you just nutted into, don't start.
(Obligatory edit) wow! Over 100 upvotes and my first-ever award after over a year! Totally didn't expect this, thank y'all. It's refreshing to say the least.
It's forbidden knowledge. Men would be too powerful so God nerfed us.
Why did I waste over an hour on Pornhub?
It’s always either an hour or thirty seconds.
Depends on decision making.
Close my eyes and enjoy the „high“
Glad someone said this. Everyone's talking about post-nut clarity, which I get, but you can at least savour the nut first
Very poor choice of words
Did I stutter?
If I did, this mouthful of cum probably didn't help, to be fair.
Remember every single mistake I've ever made in life, every sin I've committed, every person I've hurt. Then I go play video games
Edit: thank you for the gold kind Reddit person. Why is this getting so many upvotes though?
Edit 2: I'm not Catholic, please stop asking
"I'm in this photo and I don't like it."
I remember a woman on Reddit asking what it felt like to orgasm as a man. A guy replied saying he had existential dread afterwards. She was horrified
Hahaha this is so accurate
Go through the stages of post nut regret
Arthur Schopenhauer called it The Devil's Laughter
Become enlightened and feel no need for human emotions
Edit 1: Thanks for my first award!
That's quite a blast. Teach me, O bodhisattva of the nut. I seem to be stuck in the karmic wheel, doing the same thing over and over again...
I swear I could achieve so much in my life if I could just harness that post nut nirvana.
Alas it lasts mere seconds.
Rescue the lint drowning in my belly button.
I call it the “kiddie pool” because, you know, sperm.
Your Reddit privileges should be revoked for this
It really should. My wife calls me the ruiner of all things. Jokingly, but accurate.
Sleep like a baby
Ask my teacher if I can go to the bathroom
Cry.......then clean up.
Don't need to cry, you spent alone quality time with yourself.
Sometimes I cry after masturbating because I am lonely lol
Delete my browser history.
Duckduckgo, little 🔥 to clear tabs and Data, no Google tracking either
What's Google gonna do? Call the horny police?
Beg forgiveness for my sinful ways. Maybe give myself 10 lashes on the back if it was a particularly disgraceful session.
Then by the 10th lash you're like "oh... Here we go againnnn 🤷♀️"
I literally just laughed out loud to this. Thank you stranger.
I look in the mirror and declare to myself:
You are smart. You are handsome. And gosh darn it, people like you.
Thanks for the reward! I totally deserved it! Positive thinking works!
Put the lid back on the coffin
Wash hands and penis too
*Ends up jerking off again*
You mean to say double mastrubating
I can triple mastubate
Cry like a bitch
I never knew girls could disappoint themselves in bed
It’s a whole new level of disappointment that even men cannot unlock in women
That makes me feel bad for us both. Fuckin ay bud
It’s rough out here man
Feel ya bud. Just hope it gets better
Hold my beer
Do not disappoint me…or in this case, do…?
But same wtf 😭
Cry with me, let’s cry together
Realizing how trashy was the plot of the porn i just watched
Tidy my hair and unpress the “elevator stop” button.
Have a good day at work!
*”good luck at your interview”
If I‘m not masturbating in the shower - take a shower. I get way too wet lol and it needs to be gone.
Listen to heavy metal.
Clean, lay back and sleep
i say “what is this filth i’m watching” and close all tabs
kiss my grandma goodnight :)
You’ll be in the will for sure
Post nut ✨clarity✨
Swear I will never masturbate again
The same thing we do everynight pinky, try to take over the world!