By - covrigelchel
Yeah I leave mine chilling there until they start to fuss/alert me that they need me. I figure I need a bit of time to settle when I wake, without anyone getting in my face, and time to chill on my own, so a baby might appreciate the same. Especially if they are happy and babbling on their own. At that age, interacting with a ceiling or a doorknob is stimulating to them. At the same time as a parent, I could use breaks from baby care, so if they are happy, safe and just chilling and I get a much needed break, it works out well for everyone.
That said, if you don’t need those breaks and want to get your baby and hang out with them - well then go do it! Screw what anyone else thinks. Your life, your baby. Tell your mom she’s raised her babies, now its all about you and how you want to raise them.
Yeah, I'm an introvert and alone time is great.. except for a few people I actually enjoy pretty much all the time. My baby is one of them.
On the other hand I spent many hours by myself when I was a kid. I now find out that it started when I was as old as my daughter is right now. Different times, I guess! I just don't want my kid to feel as lonely as I did but also don't want to overwhelm her so early. I'm just thinking that personalities can be shaped if it's early enough?
Parents have quite an impact on their kids lives but try not to give it more weight than it deserves …science shows that nature and society play just as much of a role in who we turn out to be.
Eg introverts are not all introverts because they were left alone to chill for a bit by their parents. Neither is leaving a baby on their own for a bit to chat to a ceiling an automatic recipe for loneliness…especially at 2 months.
I don’t know your situation but sometimes it’s a good idea to give yourself as a parent some grace. (And maybe even for your mom too). There is only so much you as a parent can do to shape your child…for the rest… it’s up to you to be able to let go of them enough for them to grow, learn and experience to figure out who they really are.
Hanging out or not hanging out with your baby is not going to make them an extrovert, an introvert, lonely, or not lonely. It’s a baby.
I used to think the same until I watched [this video about identical quadruplets](https://youtu.be/DgxGa7-hVsY) raised in the same environment. At one point they talk about how one of the girls was born with *something* that made her require a little bit more attention than the others during the first few weeks, and now she’s more introverted and less chatty, has less friends than the others. So while I get your point, I think our interactions as babies also really do shape how we view the world and our position in society on a deeper level.
That said, as a baby I was left to cry myself to sleep way too often (olden ways) and now I’m clingy and socially awkward and anxious, so it’s not like less is more. It’s definitely about balance: letting babies explore and develop individually when possible, while also being emotionally available when they need it.
It’s not a study or anything remotely scientific, just some observations I’ve made.
Identical multiples DON’T have the same personality
Source: Mom of identical twins.
My friend has identical twins who are seven now and watching them grow up has been so interesting! They are so totally different, it's really cool to see.
Awesome, I didn’t know that! Thank you for sharing. Again, it’s just something I noticed off of one video I saw.
I think you’re confusing causation and correlation… the child was born with a different temperament/medical status (I don’t have the time or interest to watch the video) than her siblings, and she grew up to be different as well. It has nothing to do with how much attention she did or didn’t get as a baby as a result.
Because temperament and embryonic/fetal development generally isn’t entirely genetic, it’s at least somewhat epigenetic, but you’re still born with it. Like autism. One identical twin can be autistic while the other isn’t.
Neglect is a different story.
And that’s all incredibly anecdotal and ascientific.
I am absolutely mixing up correlation and causation, as I said it’s just my personal observations off of one video and not in any way remotely scientific. I really don’t know any twins closely (it’s not common in my family or around me) so it’s just something I wrongly assumed from that one video because it’s pretty much what they said, and obviously if they have quadruplets they must know more than me about it, right?
I just think the whole thing is fascinating. Didn’t know identical twins could have and not have autism, for example. Interactions during infancy and later personality outcomes, as far as I know, are pretty much impossible to study ethically or specifically while also eliminating any other possible factors, and I guess wrongly assuming was the closest way to connect the two, at least in my mind until now.
Thanks for bringing some sense and outside opinion to this, I really appreciate it :)
I'm an introvert but when I was little, I was the kid that would talk to strangers, walk into their houses on Halloween while trick or treating, etc. I wasn't always an introvert, I think that developed in early high school for me.
I like hearing that your baby is one of those people that you enjoy hanging out with though! I was wondering how being an introvert and having a kid would be.
A fellow introvert. I think what’s important to understand about introversion is that it’s not really about how good you are at social interactions, but whether social interactions leave you feel drained versus recharged.
I’m a litigation attorney who knows a lot of litigation attorneys. A huge part of our livelihood is our ability to talk to other people. And a lot of us are introverts — we can talk to other people and be great at social interactions, but we need an evening to recharge, etc.
ETA: I agree with below poster on honestly realizing that there are only so much you could shape as a parent. To be frank, the only datapoint to really show an impact is the socioeconomic status of the parent.
I’m a new mom and sometimes I can’t tell if she’s babbling or fussing! Haha it gives me anxiety so if she’s doing loud babies I usually go get her
Sometimes I get mine and sometimes I leave him. I realised that he'll wake up sometimes and just wriggle and babble for a couple minutes then go back to sleep. I didn't want to ruin that by expecting to be picked up every time he woke up.
If I leave my bub in the morning to wake up and chill, he stretches, poops and just looks around. On the days I get him straight away, interestingly he doesn't poop 🙈 he likes a peaceful bowel movement ha
Baby just needs a minute to poop. I feel it.
Don't we all.
Oh interesting! I should watch out for that
Both ways are perfectly fine. There is no overall "best" way to approach this developmentally. For babies, being surrounded by people is great. But it's equally great for them to learn how to entertain themselves independently.
Mine is currently 10 months old and loves to practice standing/walking in the crib so I let him. He is entertained, learning a skill in a safe place, and I get to wrap up whatever I'm doing.
I will say this, I was a 50/50 mom with this, sometimes I just would let her do her thing, sometimes I’d pick her up and interact. I’d let her fuss for a little, but at that age, if she got upset, I always soothed her. I also wore her all the time at that age. I enjoyed having her cuddled so close into me and she slept great.
Now my daughter is 15 months old and there are mornings were she sleeps in later than normal. Then around 7 we get woken up by a loud clatter from the monitor. When we check, she has stood up in her crib and knocked over something on her shelf, or tried to pull a toy in her crib. No crying, she’s not upset. And we are like dang - how long has she been up? Sometimes we let her chill a bit longer before we get her. And it’s really nice.
I wonder if it’s just how she is wired, she enjoys alone time. I like that she can entertain herself.
There are still plenty of times where she wants to be attached to my hip, which I love too. But I truly enjoy the balance.
You do what feels right for you and your baby. You will not ruin her. Enjoy yourself.
Not very long ago, no one had video-capable baby monitors, so if the baby was awake but quiet (or just making sounds that they might also make in their sleep), parents wouldn't be going to get them.
Similarly, a very long time ago, baby monitors didn't exist at all, so hearing crying from the next room was probably the only signal to go get them.
For that reason, we let them sit until they fuss. I figure babies have a long evolutionary handle on having to vocalize to signal their parents to come get them.
Yeah, my baby likes to wake up and babble a little by himself, but once he's ready for us he has a particular call he'll do. It's very cute!
Quick edit: we also don't use a monitor since we live in a small house. We can hear him perfectly well when he wants to be heard, no matter where we are in the house.
I see what you're saying but that doesn't seem to be on par with evolution, or not to me anyway. We're social animals, many of an infant's reactions (rooting, automatically grabbing the finger) are so deeply ingrained that I just assumed having people around as much as possible is also a deeply ingrained need.
Yea I don't know either way. Probably can't hurt, but I guess my point was that it's probably not worth stressing about getting to them right away either if you need a few more minutes while they're awake and content in their crib since there have been generations of babies that (by necessity) experienced the same thing.
Perhaps like anything - "teaching" a baby that you're there for them is worthwhile and so is "teaching" them that they can be comfortable alone and entertain themselves sometimes. We seem to as a species get some of our best "shower thoughts" when we're alone and "deprived" of sensory stimulation. Moderation is my consistent fallback when I don't know any better.
But I guess if I was a parent in the 50s that would mean thinking exposing my kid to "a bit" of cigarette smoke is okay...so maybe that's not the best philosophy either.
Just a little bit of social media
Hahahaha! I'm sure each generation has its own faults.
That seems right
Lol for the first time this week my baby doesn’t just scream when he wakes up. This morning I woke up to him cooing and making some noises so I talked to him for a little and he smiled at me and we both chilled in our ‘beds’ for a little. He cooed some more and then gave a little yell to let me know he was bored and we started our day.
Sometimes my 4 wk old will stir in her sleep and make noise like she’s awake, I give her just a second to decide if she’s gonna wake up or keep being noisy. If she keeps being noisy I’ll get her immediately ❤️
If she’s happy and babbling I get up, grab a protein bar, make a coffee, maybe even take a poop in peace. Unless she wakes up fussing she’s always still smiling by the time I get to her and we have a great morning
You mean in the morning or for naps right? I would definitely not get a baby up who is just babbling or moving around in the middle of the night.
Yes, during the day when the household is louder anyway
I think we tend to project our emotions onto baby… like they must be lonely if they are by themselves… normal thought of course! but my baby (12mo) spends every morning communing with the ceiling, his teddy bear and his own hands for about 45 min or more before he ever wimpers or shows signs of discontent…. I have concluded that he is CONTENT and I leave him until he asks for me! I used to be quick to get him up because I didn’t want him to feel alone… but I see him smiling in there to his bear, practicing sounds and generally being adorable and now I think this morning quiet time is actually an amazing time where he quietly processes his world and I don’t need to rescue him!! Heck- I love my alone time. And how merciful it is that I get to sleep til 8!
Absolutely nothing wrong with getting your baby as soon as they're awake. If you want to leave her for a few minutes on her own and she's content that's fine too but what you're doing right now is great. That's what I would do.
I leave my baby in her crib until she starts fussing
I’ll only go in if he fusses or cries. It’s not often he just chills out in his cot so I take the opportunity to finish whatever I’m doing.
I can also tell when he’s just having a mid sleep wriggle. I don’t wake him up fully when he might go back to sleep.
It really doesn’t matter. I project my own thoughts on my child and my thinking is that I wouldnt want someone all up in my face the moment I wake up 😂 so I generally don’t go get him until he starts fussing. Because sometimes he will go back to sleep. My husband on the other hand often goes in pretty immediately and loudly lol you’re not hurting one way or the other.
I let my baby chill until he becomes fussy. I even let him play by himself in his crib while I get stuff done after his feeding. He clings to me quite a bit, so I figure independent play is good for him. He usually only last 5-10 minutes, so it isn't as if he is by himself all day.
During daytime, I’d get her if she’s awake like that. At night time, I’d leave her be. She is not too young to learn how to fall back asleep unassisted. She will let you know if she needs you at night. If your anxiety is kicking in, feel free to lay in bed and check the monitor, but personally I would go back to sleep.
My daughter is 20 months and, aside from illnesses, hasn’t needed us to get out of bed at night since 3.5 months. Yes there are times when she has been awake in the middle of the night and playing by herself, but she is perfectly capable of going back to sleep on her own and will do so more quickly without parental interference.
We bed share and do naked time in the morning, so immediately upon waking, I take off his diaper and put him on the waterproof mat. Then I just let him chill and do his thing. If he were in another room I would NOT be getting out of bed until he needs me lol
Mine chilled in his bassinet if he was just cooing and babbling. Now at 10 months, he’s perfectly content cruising/crawling/rolling in his crib while babbling in the morning. Most times he even falls back to sleep for a bit
I usually leave my 6 month old to chill in her crib if she’s content when she wakes up, but it kind of depends. Last night she slept for 11 and a half hours without waking up to eat, so I went and got her as soon as she woke up, even though she wasn’t crying.
I leave my babe if she’s happy and content, I feel that this will help her learn to play independently. I love my baby and being around her, but we have a lot of opportunity for that. I take advantage of her being happy and safe in her crib and use that time to clean, cook, or take care of myself.
If she’s crying, I’ll get her obviously.
I’ve done this since the beginning. My girl is 12 months now and can mostly play well independently. We’re getting more into the attachment phase though now, so she’s requiring more attention. Most the most of happy independent baby now while you can ☺️
Honestly it depended on how tired I was! Sometimes I’d let him chill and others I’d go and get him because I couldn’t wait to see him.
I think every baby is different and you just have to know your baby. My baby is extremely sensitive to having a wet or dirty diaper, and I can tell when she starts to squirm and grunt a certain way that she needs to be changed, and I'll respond immediately before she works herself up into a full on cry. I can tell the difference between that and her active sleep squirmies, which I ignore.
This isnt something you need to feel guilty about either way
This is kind of a your opinion thing, but I'd let your girl just chill. She gets to be a little independent (and learning to play by yourself is a good skill to have later on) & she won't grow to expect you to be there before she needs anything. Obviously, if she cries out, go get her (and that will show her that you'll be there when she needs you!) and then keep doing how you've done.
Obviously, this is how I'd prefer it done (and how I have done it). That being said - if you'd prefer doing it the other way, you're free to do so; I just think it's nice for baby to be able to entertain themselves a little.
I read somewhere that the best thing you can do to a baby that’s enjoying his time alone is to leave the baby alone. If your baby is chilling in the bassinet cooing and playing by herself leave her be. She’ll call you when she wants you.
Leave until fussy
If I'm not in the middle of something I'll go and sit next to her. That way she can look around and stretch and smile but see that her attachment figure will often still be there when she wakes up. I personally feel that waiting for them to cry, unless necessary to get something else done, is too late for them emotionally and they need to trust that we can anticipate their needs. That's my preference if time allows, but ultimately you need to do what feels right for you, your family bubble is the most important
I think as long as you wait for your baby to fully be awake, and it's not just awake for a couple minutes before going back to sleep, then that's fine.
Something that opened my eyes a bit was when I got a fitbit. For anyone who's not aware, you can wear a fitbit to bed and it tracks your sleep based on your movements. It turns out there are quite a lot of times where I am moving and my fitbit says I've woken up, that im not even aware of. I can only imagine if someone came and interacted with me each time this happened, I wouldn't be happy LOL.
Idk if this is why. But I always went and got babe immediately. Well now that she is older(20mo) the moment she wakes up she expects me to be up too and is not a happy girl. Which makes me not a happy mama lol. With babe number 2 I am gonna try and give them some space.
This sounds like me! My son is 3 months and there are many times when he wakes from a nap and I see him just chilling, staring at his best friend the ceiling fan, totally content. I feel like I want to go get him because I have FOMO “is he having fun without me!?” I’ve been working on just letting him relax on his own, which is great if I’m in the middle of something. But there are also times when I just want to give him cuddles & kisses and will go get him. It is pretty cute though just watching him happily look around his room after waking up. Fingers crossed that translates into toddlerhood but I won’t hold my breath
My girl. Does the same, she's happy to chill for a bit and wake up slowly so i just wait until she either makes noise to tell me she's up or she'll continuously look at her door waiting for me so if she does that I'll go get her knowing she's ready
Sleep is super important to me so I made a lot of effort to give my daughter good sleep habits. I always got her up pretty soon after she woke up because I wanted her to associate the bassinet and/or crib with sleep time, not with hanging out or playing. When she was small I'd just lay her on the floor in whatever room I was in and when she got a little bigger I'd stick her in the pack and play unless I was able to watch her or interact with her. Who knows if it helped at all but FWIW she's a great sleeper and we've been able to do awake but drowsy basically her whole life and I've never noticed anything I'd call a sleep regression. She's 15 months now.
I would personally wait until the baby cries.
My baby sleeps right next to me in his bassinet. It’s really cute because he waits for me to wake up unless he’s hungry. Oddly I think he understands the concept of sleeping already.
Most the time I’ll wake up feed him and change him then if he seems content playing in his bassinet I’ll go back to sleep for a little bit. I normally wake up to the biggest smile ever staring back at me once I open my eyes. It gives him time to play and gives me sleep.
I wouldn’t overthink it. If what you’re doing works, great. If baby wakes up and is content and you don’t wanna rush over, don’t. You know your baby best
I think of it this way: babies are really good at letting you know when they need you.
I don’t think either way would make any real difference in her development. If you want to go get your baby, do it! But sometimes it’s nice to let them chill while you get a few extra moments to yourself lol
I don’t wait for mine to fuss. Don’t want to start that habit if I can avoid it lol
If I see him waking up I generally go right in or within a couple minutes. Since that’s the routine he’s happy to hang out and play while waiting g
if my baby doesn't fuss (which is a rarity) i won't immediately pick her up. if she's content but awake i'll watch from a distance and keep an ear out incase i see/hear her start fussing or alerting me that she needs me. i may be different because my baby is very demanding and clingy, she's almost always fussing about something or screaming her head off for hours. so if i can catch a few minutes of her being alright by herself while i sit and decompress, i let her do her thing. it's not a bad thing to let your baby be them self, or be bored. sometimes they just need to sit and stare at a wall, they get stressed out/overstimulated just like adults, so they need to decompress too. it's not as intense obviously because they're babies and don't really have conscious thoughts yet, but you get my point.
opposingly, if you feel the need to pick her up/tend to her, and it's not upsetting you, then do it. i don't think there's only one right way to raise a baby, and what works for some doesn't for others and vice versa. if your current system works for you then that's all that matters, you don't need to change anything unless you're not happy with what's going on.
I think either is fine! It might be good to give her time to just be alone so long as she’s content. For a long time I felt bad leaving my baby when he was awake, like I was missing out on time with him. So sometimes I will just quickly wrap up what I’m doing and get him or I’ll leave him be until he calls out for me.