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[deleted]

Big Bird could kick Ted's ass.


YellowB

Fun fact: Ted's real name is Rafael Cruz. But you know... he can't con country yokels to vote for him with a name like Rafael.


Gravydog_316

i thought Cruz uses Ted because he can't spell Rafael...?


lesh17

I never knew I wanted to see something this much.


fowlraul

He’d beak the fuck outta Cancun teddy, yup.


ArchdukeAlex8

I condemn Ted Cruz for being Ted Cruz.


kthulhu666

I heard Ted Cruz had a false-positive result for humanity.


crisstiena

Ted’s just pissed because he didn’t think of it first.


danmathew

Big Bird is 8'2", he could definitely kick Ted's ass. https://www.britannica.com/topic/Big-Bird


[deleted]

I would pay to see that happen


LoneRonin

I'm reminded of when Peter Griffin fought Ernie the Giant Chicken


DocWatson82

Since when does Cancun Cruz care about kids? He blamed his own for making him flee his state.


Plastic_Cabinet_2127

I remember how Cancun play quickly covered up actual Treason. Still working...


piggydancer

In Minnesota we have Amy Klobuchar working on anti-trust and regulations around big tech...in Texas they have a senator arguing with a fictional bird. Who you vote for matters.


cheesefondue

In other conservative regions you have congressman arguing with fictional cows


FortySixAndYou

I'm trying to figure why the GOP would want to kill our children, can't figure anything that doesn't sound psychopathic.


PetPsychicDetective

Both political parties want children well-fed, healthy, and prepared for the rest of their lives. For Democrats, that means working to mitigate child hunger, preventing disease and death with healthcare based on scientific consensus, and funding public education. For republicans, it means the opposite of whatever Democrats think. Because that's how they approach *literally fucking everything* now. And if a percentage of kids die because of that, so be it.


kthulhu666

Yeah, adrenochrome has to be harvested from living children after all...


FortySixAndYou

A new one on me, thanks, I think... >Adrenochrome is an easy-to-come-by chemical compound, usually found as a light pink solution, that forms by the oxidation of adrenaline, the stress hormone. It is not approved for medical use by the Food and Drug Administration—though researchers can buy 25 milligrams of it for just $55—but doctors in other countries prescribe a version of it to treat blood clotting. >The compound has become an object of fascination, however, among COVID-19-truthers and adherents of QAnon, the fringe, baseless theory that a well-sourced government agent called “Q” leaks top-secret intel about a global cabal of Democratic and Hollywood pedophiles through cryptic and grandiose messages known as “Q-drops.” The quasi-cult’s sway has grown considerably in recent years, thanks in part to the tacit encouragement of Donald Trump. On Tuesday, a QAnon promoter named Marjorie Taylor Greene won 57 percent of the vote in a Republican primary for Georgia’s 14th congressional district, all but ensuring her victory in November. “There’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to take this global cabal of Satan-worshiping pedophiles out, and I think we have the president to do it,” Greene once said in a video from 2017. Trump applauded Greene’s primary victory. >For conspiracy theorists, adrenochrome represents a mystical psychedelic favored by the global elites for drug-crazed satanic rites, derived from torturing children to harvest their oxidized hormonal fear—a kind of real-life staging of the Pixar movie Monsters, Inc. “QAnon also likes to say that Monsters, Inc. is Hollywood telling on itself,” says QAnon researcher Mike Rains, “because the plot of scaring kids to get energy is what they really do.” >The highest-profile adrenochrome incident took place in 2018, when Google CEO Sundar Pichai was questioned by the House Judiciary Committee about a conspiracy called “Frazzledrip.” (“Heard of Frazzledrip?” reads one comment on The Sisters of Mercy song.) The crackpot theory involved a mythical video, supposedly squirreled away on Anthony Weiner’s laptop, that if leaked, would show Hillary Clinton and her one-time aide Huma Abedin performing a satanic sacrifice in which they slurped a child’s blood while wearing masks carved from the skin of her face. >https://www.thedailybeast.com/how-qanon-became-obsessed-with-adrenochrome-an-imaginary-drug-hollywood-is-harvesting-from-kids


AllottedGood

New one on me too. Truly bizarre.


MagicMushroomFungi

They secretly eat Solyent cake. Veal is their favorite. ?


crisstiena

Right. But let’s totally ban abortion.


FortySixAndYou

Zygote lives matter, but after that, you are on your own.


Darzanak

In further news, Ron DeSantis attacks Kermit The Frog for promoting hand washing.


Expensive-Parsnip

Desantis is fairly smart lol he just panders to yokels cause they are easy pickings. He’s smarter than trump but trump did the exact same thing. Only reason the man ran republican.


KingShitOfTurdIsland

As a Republican I am downright disgusted on why and how vaccines became political. I never once took it as a joke, this is real. I did the right thing from the beginning, I didn’t want to see someone I loved get sick. Well that’s exactly what happened, I ended up getting it from my grandfather who contracted it while in the hospital. There’s no worse feeling that seeing something you love fight for every breath, and having you best friend die beside you. The problem is that hasn’t happened to someone they love unconditionally yet. It makes me angry.


FortySixAndYou

I am sorry for your loss.


rockman4140

Exactly. It's not in their sphere of influence, therefore it is not a threat. It's that habitual short-sightedness of "oh, it's not a problem for me, fuck everyone else I'm fine" that really irks me. I am so sorry; you are right to wield that righteous indignation, just keep in mind what kind of people would go to such lengths to not only actively avoid getting vaccinated but also find multiple other "miracle drugs" for a virus that they don't even believe is real.


[deleted]

Every day, Ted Cruz wakes up and wonders what vile, stupid, or shitty thing he might attach his name to. Every day, he figures something out.


ronearc

It's more important to Ted that kids be thoroughly indoctrinated rather than safely innoculated.


InTh3s3TryingTim3s

Isn't he like based in Cancun or whatever? And doesn't he spend his time on the internet looking at incest porn? Doesn't he think his wife is ugly? Didn't his dad murder JFK? Isn't he literally the zodiac killer. Isn't he non human entity?


Sindertone

Cruz wants children to die. What else do you need to know?


NickConrad

People have died recently in a music festival in such a tragic way that even someone so unrelated as Apple has commented. What’s the senator from the state it happened in up to? Oh he’s shit tweeting about Big Bird.


oldfrancis

That's it, Ted. Start attacking Sesame Street. Turn it into a real crusade. Make a name for yourself chasing down Big Bird and Kermit and demanding that they stop socializing our children.


Spadrick

If you are condemning Big Bird and you think you are a good guy, you are wrong.


qlskydiver

This is the result of the republican party supporting trump.


AceCombat9519

Correct and for the Republicans that made Trump Guilty of January 6th they need to be using messaging to copy Big Bird Sesame Street lead just like their party during Nixon Administration 1972 Measles vaccination Sesame Street PSA.


vapescaped

God I wish that cuban Canadian living in America would just go back to Mexico where he belongs.


Godsarefakezz

Isn’t it time for vacation for Cancun Ted?


SquishSquashReality

Goodbye Covid and hello Bird Flu!


look_at_his_nipples

Is this real life right now?


crisstiena

Is this just fantasy…?


Commercial-Contest92

What a time to be alive


shellevanczik

So little kids won’t be afraid. This is what he’s railing against. Picking a fight with a Muppet. Not a good look. Lol


WillsWei22

I hope Big Bird got vaccinated in his left wing, just for the headline "Right Wing attacks Big Bird for his Left Wing propaganda”


gary_f

I condemn Big Bird for all of his openly racist views, not to mention his active participation in the Bundy standoff. That hateful rant about his daughter associating with non-yellow birds was awful, and it really should not have been aired as it had nothing to do with the letter C.


officeroffkilter

~~Ted Cruz condemns Big Bird for advocating Covid vaccines for kids~~ Big Bird condemns Ted Cruz for advocating for death for kids. FTFY


BannertheAqua

What


Boleen

Ted Cruz’s victim complex needed some fresh drama, so he woke up and decided to get his ass kicked by a big bird.


[deleted]

A soft, squishy, and nonviolent bird at that.


Evening-Cupcake8286

I'm sure Cruz will blame his daughter that he's even heard of Big Bird!


[deleted]

Lol nothing surprises me anymore.


FunkyTown313

I've never tried to argue with fabric before. Wonder if it's like arguing with Ted Cruz


Short-Jellyfish-1511

In before some conservative psycho threatens to shoot up Sesame Street.


SoylentGrunt

Like Republican kids are allowed to watch PBS.


ranchoparksteve

I assume Ted know Big Bird has an actor inside.


rl5886b

Big bad Raphael 😆😆😆😆


AugustusVermillion

You know you fucked up when you’re at odds with Sesame Street.


ReverendCandypants

Sesame Street is Good with capital G. Ted Cruz is Evil with a capital E. So he wants kids to be scared of vaccines? Or just this one vaccine? Because kids aren't that sophisticated to understand refusing a vaccine for politics.


Huggie-Bear

Big bird probably should just go eff off in Cancun somewhere


LiaVsHerself

He looks so sad.


Dt74104

Why is this a story? Who cares what Ted Cruz says?


Maybe_its_Pandas

The difference between Ted Cruz and Big Bird is that one is a floppy, miserable puppet while the other is Big Bird.


HAPPYTIMES28

They know Big Bird isn’t real, right?


feor1300

Subject matter is irrelevant, if you pick a fight with Sesame Street you are the bad guy. Period.


StealyEyedSecMan

Big bird for Thanksgiving?


lives_in_van

I get opposing mandates on some principle (even if I disagree with it) but what sick weirdo opposes advocacy?


Lesco_Brandon_TX

Are wonderful government would never ever do anything to jeopardize children's health. All the latest vaccines offer 100% protection from receiving and transmitting Covid 19 all everyone who gets the jab.


Any-Succotash-7903

“Elected official paid 175k attacks education-focused doll/puppet”


m00kystinks

This is a weird timeline.


segosity

*** Things that would be The Onion headlines if we weren't living the worst timeline.


BarberDense

I would like to see a kid get in a car drive to get a shot! God their stupid!


AceCombat9519

This is Culture War by the GOP but they should realize their Party During the Nixon Years 1969-1974 used Big Bird as a PSA for Vaccinations in 1972.


JimChina2008

Red Bird?


My_Cat_Snorez

Awesome! Way to go Big Bird!


Gravydog_316

*World condemns Ted Cruz for being a brainless puppet


Dv7k1

Why does Ted Cruz openly support decisions that will lead to children suffering and dying?


Nynebreaker

Big Bird doesn’t give a fuck.


[deleted]

Ted Cruz is the male Sarah Sanders.


PleasePassTheRollz

“People are free to do what they want. You shouldn’t be telling people what to do” says the guy telling people what to do


zZaphon

This isn't news theguardian. I guarantee you I don't give a single fuck.