T O P

Is it ok to refer to a Reddit user as a male (he/him) if you don’t know their gender?

Is it ok to refer to a Reddit user as a male (he/him) if you don’t know their gender?

Zlzbub

I use their reddit avatar to decide


Arnas_Z

That's a bit of an issue when you don't see profile pics in the threads. (I use third party clients and old.reddit)


AshTreex3

Good strategy, flame face.


my-school-laptop

You’d be surprised how many men that don’t have beards but have long hair use Reddit.


schright_dwute

Is it okay to refer to a reddit user as a female if you don't know their gender?


somehowstuck

Yes ma'am


Mystery_I

Yes.


justadogwithaphone

Yeah I think it’s fine


Ullumina

It wouldn’t make sense to since Reddit mostly attracts young males


Slimyretard

Or old men if you use r/teenagers


_VrilDox

How do you do, fellow kids!


Open_Champion_5182

Bahaha!


enjuisbiggay

Lmao


NewBoyz_OfficialAMA

so true i frequent there and im almost 50 XD, lotsa little boys and girls to talk to!!!! makes my stummy feelg guud ddep inside uwuwuwuwuw uwu uwu uuu wwww uuuu


RobotikAlien

tf


instantur

It’s a joke


BeEverything

Maybe, but male isn’t the default on every sub Also the worldwide assumption that men = *normal* but women = *abnormal despite being over half the population* has had some pretty bad effects, most notably in the medical and auto industries.


DeathlordYT

I say you can assume anything until confirmed Edit: well not everything, but I assume you know what I mean


The_Gonti

It's okay but just doesn't sound right


Portsil_PA

Yes


idk_you__you_dk_me

Please do


SixxTheSandman

I just say OP or They. Pretty fuckin easy


LazyLamont92

I do as well, but I don’t get my knickerbockers in a bunch if someone assumes my gender.


shaun_of_the_south

I’m gonna assumed you’re Fred sanfords son based on user name.


macocmavi_cmoc

Literally; thank you


TheMasonM

I always ask this question To men and women When you’re driving, and someone cuts you off, do you say “he’s a fuckin dick” or “she’s a fuckin dick”. 95% of the time women I ask will say “I say she” and the men will say “he”. Pretty interesting if you ask me. Pretty fuckin easy as well eh?


AgentFrank24

Lol, I just say “You fuckin dick” I think you’re on to something there though. I think people always give an unknown whatever their own gender is.


Iertjepapiertje

I swear at the car in that instance. 'The fucking Alfa cut me off.' 'All Mercs are assholes'.


SixxTheSandman

I'm just like "fuck that motherfucker", then pull up beside them, and flip em off before swerving back in front of them


Rhinosauron

My grandpa (born in the 20's) would always call drivers "buddy-babe". "Hold it right there, buddy-babe." "Watch it buddy-babe." I catch myself doing the same sometimes.


UppedSolution77

You can say him or her too it doesn't really matter.


Franz_the_clicker

In English you can basically use they/them without any consequences to the grammatical correctness of the sentence. So why wouldn't you?


Joesph_Kerr

I think for the most part people are mostly just used to saying he/him because of the stereotype that most using any sort of media platform and on the internet in general, are men. It's kinda sad really when they/them is, as I agree with you, just on a neutral basis and perfect when you obviously don't know.


tkTheKingofKings

I mean, it's not a stereotype that Reddit's user base is mostly men, that's a proven fact. Idk about other social media platforms tho.


Ullumina

It’s not sad at all what are you talking about


Joesph_Kerr

It's sad that people clearly don't try..?


Ullumina

It’s just a word


pyromo12

isn’t everything just a word? Can you deflect all arguments with “those are just words…”


Mario507

Words are just numbers and a number is also just a word


Joesph_Kerr

Lmao, apparently. But those are just words, so I dunno


ShrewlyGreat

I tend to switch between they/them and he/him. I have always used both as neutral terms. Like saying ‘guys’, ‘dude’, or ‘man’ is just a neutral way for me to call people.


TheGreatSalvador

I was taught in high school English that you have to arbitrarily choose he or she, because referring to an individual as “they” is grammatically incorrect. However, you can argue that language and grammar are evolving phenomena, and that increased public consciousness of non-binary people might force us to confront and change this rule.


xX_MilfHunter69_Xx

Shakespeare used they to refer to someone


duckbumps19

Yeah the argument that they/them is perfectly sound grammatically is not super strong because, technically, it isn’t. But I do agree that language can change so why not.


ConnectRefuse518

Let’s be honest, the default internet user we all think of in our head looks like an average white dude with nothing discernible. Not even trying to be racist, that’s just kind of the way it is.


local_meme_dealer45

I mean statistically (especially on Reddit) your most likely going to be right.


AshTreex3

Everyone on the internet is a woman until proven otherwise.


snowycato

I generally go with they/them if I don’t know


Suspicious_Apricot51

I do as well, except I sometimes use context clues or avatar, or very rarely stalk their profile


brock_lee

Exactly, why not use gender-neutral language when you are not sure or are referring to something that could be for any gender? It costs nothing.


Portsil_PA

I don't thing "gender assumption" is an issue. If someone tells me their gender I will of course respect it but if I don't know then I don't know. Edit: AND in my main language there is literally no way of saying they/them without genders.


Queasy-Astronomer613

Yeah same, in french they is a gendered word (ils/elles)


-PinkPower-

C’est plus que le non genré est le même que le masculin.


brownsnoutspookfish

In my language we don't have gendered he/she, we only have the neutral one, but in English if someone uses "they" it is often very confusing because that's a plural and can often be read as such. I would much rather be called "he" even though I am technically "she", just to understand easier that it is me specifically that is being referred to.


Pompi_Palawori

I don't think there is anything wrong with it, but if this really bothers you, generally it's pretty easy to refer to someone without using she/he in English. For example, "OP, this is an interesting opinion." " (reddit username) , this is is an interesting opinion." "You have an interesting opinion." "This is an interesting opinion." "I think the person above's opinion is interesting." If you are talking about the person and not talking directly to them, you can always use they. EX: "They have an interesting opinion."


lilygrxcie

it’s not that hard to say they


brownsnoutspookfish

Not to say, but to understand who someone is talking about. They is a plural. Even when saying "he" might be wrong, it is still more a accurate way to communicate.


-PinkPower-

They is also used for when you do not know the gender of a person. It’s even taught in school like that.


throwawayfjabfhw

Singular they has been [documented in the english language since 1375](https://public.oed.com/blog/a-brief-history-of-singular-they/) and was likely commonly used even before it was written down, it's been a super common part of the english language language since then. if thou must be a language purist to this extent thou must acknowledge that the pronoun "you" also used to be plural, but was also made singular as it replaced pronouns such as "thou, thee, and thy" Dictionaries all acknowledge singular they as a common part of english, also both [MLA style](https://style.mla.org/using-singular-they/) and [APA style](https://apastyle.apa.org/style-grammar-guidelines/grammar/singular-they) (common proper writing formats you see used in schools and in academia) officially accept of the use of singular they as both a specific pronoun and as a generic pronoun now


NeverLetYouIn

Just use they/them or OP if you don’t know. It’s easier


IINorse

I think if you refer to someone as a male or a female and then they tell your their preferred pronouns and you start using them, then you’re not a bad person. If you keep calling them by male/female pronouns purposely even after they tell you their preferred pronouns, then you’re just a dick


Xenqor222

I always say he just cos if you do a poll and ask if they are male or female the majority will be male


sinfulcucumber

Sexist pos /s


_Doop

Just say they/them


caroline-ivyy

They/them is easy and gender neutral why not just use those


brownsnoutspookfish

Because it's also a plural and very confusing


throwawayfjabfhw

singular they has been used for ages in the english language, it's been traced [back to 1375](https://public.oed.com/blog/a-brief-history-of-singular-they/) and as this article explains the word "you" was once considered a plural pronoun which became singular as well. the singular version of "you" used to be "thou", "thee", and "thy". but language evolves as people adapt it to what they find most useful. you probably use singular they without even noticing. Say you saw someone in a hoodie where you couldn't make any assumptions about their gender, and the person dropped their wallet. you may say "oh they dropped their wallet, let me bring it back to them". it's the same thing.


ruurat

Personally I use they/them pronouns or ask if i don't know


iluvstephenhawking

Maybe it's just me but I get annoyed. I thought I had a girly username.


YesImDavid

You could always just say OP or they if you really want to avoid offending someone but in my honest opinion any reasonable person wouldn’t be offended by a random internet person just assuming your gender by maybe your little Reddit character or whatever.


Icy_Ad2505

I think it depends on the community for instance some subs like r/sewing are so overwhelmingly female that it may make more sense to assume people there are female


Medicsavage

Fun fact a gender neutral pronouns do exist, *They/them* so while using he/him or she/her is fine that’s just an easier option.


Ullumina

I’m good


FatJovic

Yeah! I hate they/them pronouns, it sounds so weird unnatural to speak!! Unrelated though, guys I found someone’s wallet earlier today. I really wanna get their wallet back to them but I don’t know where they live or who they even are. Anyone know a good way for me to get their wallet back to them? Should I have just left it for them to find later?


SendDishSoap

I find that they them, when indirectly talking about someone, makes said person seem like a group or entity, so i tend to go for he him


Spencer2091

I tend to use they/them, but if it's going to be confusing I tell people I mean they/them singular.


Alphagamer126

You’re being downvoted, but that sounds reasonable. Technically they/them is only grammatically correct when speaking about multiple people, so using he/him or she/her instead when you are talking about a single person of unknown gender makes complete sense.


No_Tomorrow5475

I just use they/them if I dont know their gender


Moaoziz

According to Rule 29 of the internet: On the internet men are men, women are also men, and kids are undercover FBI agents. So I'd say yes. However personally I try to avoid it by using they whenever possible. Having a neutral pronoun is a feature of the English language that I really miss in mine.


atrevidorandito

the pronouns they/them exist for a reason....


Thursday_26

I don't like using they/them (unless someone requests that I do) because they are plural and you are referring to one person


Ms_Chichinabo

It took me a while to get used to them. My native language is gendered and English it’s my second language. I have never heard of they/them when you are referring to a single person. When I started seeing this usage, it was on social media and, to me, it was strange. My friend, a British person, told me that they have being using way before 20 century… I think Shakespeare used it in its text (not sure about that). But if it has been documented and used, it exists. So even though “they/them” it’s plural, it is also use to reference ppl whose gender u don’t know.


atrevidorandito

they/them pronouns are not always used when referring to multiple people, they/them can be used in the singular. example, say you go to the doctor's office and your doctor's name is dr.marks. you probably know your doctor's gender but if your telling a friend or someone about dr.marks, your friend will probably just say things like "what did they tell you", "did they tell you everything was ok" etc. also, you don't know anyone's gender (unless they tell you or it's obvious based on things they're saying) here on reddit.


Thursday_26

I'm not saying that it isn't commonly used and accepted, I'm saying that the pronoun 'they' is 3rd person *plural*, and that I wish there was a better 3rd person singular neuter pronoun than 'it'


Zoological_Exhibit

It’s not just plural though, it’s also singular. That’s the point. English is a weird language. It makes perfect grammatical sense to use it as a plural or singular.


gnbartels42

Lady here, I don't mind. I don't know what gender you are either.


Yo_dog-

Agreed^


andyurast4r

There’s already a word for that.


Alone-Monk

I mean it's better to use they/them if you don't know someone's gender but it's not like a mortal sin not to


11ghost_raven11

I usually just say 'they'. Can't really go wrong with that and it's just as easy as saying 'he'. I'm a girl and sometimes even I just assume that I'm talking to a guy- that just tends to be the default. I have noticed a change though, I think it's becoming more common to use 'they'.


nosenseofdanger

It's a bit weird imo since English has the gender neutral pronoun "they" that people use when they don't know someone's gender. It works much better in languages that only have he/she pronouns.


VoiceofReason541

I just say fucker. It’s gender neutral


puzzle_zebra1984

😂😂😂😂💀


Skyrocketxv

Just use gender neutral pronouns like they/them if you don’t know their gender


Spencer2091

At first it's just a mistake, but if they correct you and you continue it's rude. I need more context to decide if it's transphobic or not.


Queasy-Astronomer613

Noooo making a mistake means you're a hateful person! /s Seriously though its insane how many people will call you racist, Sexist or transphobic for making a fucking mistake, people need to chill out and understand that we're all humans, you cant control others, so try to work on why some stranger on the internet making a mistake makes you so mad.


LydiaAgain

Use your best judgment based on what subreddit you're currently browsing and their username. I find it somewhat annoying when people call me "he" since my very feminine name is in my username, but it's not offensive. I never get angry with the user because (for me) it's not a big deal, but I will assume they are inconsiderate, or at least a bit dumb and/or unobservant.


silver_salamander_22

I honestly never think to look at people's usernames on a post or comment ngl, so uh, yeah. a little unobservant.


LydiaAgain

My avatar is also a giveaway


84lele

No use fucking they guys just use they.


Stranfort

^ He’s got a point.


84lele

I’m a chick


Queasy-Astronomer613

Damn that's impressive! Male or female chick? Also how did you learn to use reddit?


84lele

I learned from a giraffe


Stranfort

No I don’t think women exist. Women were obviously created by the corporations to sell more women’s products. You’re just an actor and I ain’t falling for it.


84lele

Okay


Eli_hanlin2

I just say he, if they feel the need to correct me I'll call them whatever they want


silver_salamander_22

idk if this is ironic or brilliant


Eli_hanlin2

;)


dydeath

Why the fuck is the poll white I'm in dark mode


toxicistoxic

it's not a big deal but a bit weird


Concept-Better

I’m a woman and its annoying when someone calls me he on reddit but its not offensive or anything. Just makes me roll my eyes


Big_Berry_4589

It’s fine but the neutral pronoun is probably they. If you’re speaking other languages it’s he/him


oskarvdv

It’s ok but like, why? Just use they if you don’t know


Hawaiian-Fox

"hey there you fucking idiot" "How you doing piece of shit" "Unfinished abortion, whats popping?" Follow me for more gender neutral tips


OvercookedKevin

I don’t care


GP-NC

Us they/them


TrollTasticLz

I refer to call everyone a motherfucker


puzzle_zebra1984

😂😂😂😂💀


totezhi64

use they/them (which you actually just did, by the way)


Tajna_engryfejs

Coming from a speaker of a gendered language, the word “person” is male… so I use the male pronouns like they’re gender neutral pronouns…


Spencer2091

In regards to Spanish, people argue whether -e is grammatically correct. IMO, "intelligente" is already gender neutral, so I'd say yes. But... if you really don't like it, add person to it. "Kai es una persona simpatica." It says nothing about Kai's gender, but still used gendered language.


Captain7640

I mean like, it really doesn’t matter. If someone gets mad about something like that on Reddit then that’s just sad


silver_salamander_22

\*commenter says something controversial, another one gets annoyed and wants to argue, but first... "excuse me, kind commenter, what's your gender?" "female" "so anyway, that commenter above me, she's a real bitch"


Independent_Gate1634

Of course! There are no girls on Reddit /s


Prestigious_Round_68

I always use “he” when I’m online


1stE_74

As a female, he/him is fine. The majority on Reddit is male so it just makes more sense. Besides, I'm not delicate to the point where someone referring to me as a guy ruins my self esteem.


Android8wasgood

I just refer to everyone as he if I don't know their gender Except for if I can see them and or am unsure then I'll say they


Spencer2091

I work at Walmart. The uniform actually fits me, so I look somewhere in between male and female. Most people just look at me confused for a second, see my name tag, and just call me Spencer.


Android8wasgood

If someone asked me where was spencer and I didn't really know you I'd say They're over there


Cody54545

It’s all about playing the odds my guy. In general, men make up much more of the users on Reddit so it’s fine to say he/him if you don’t know their gender. Now if you go to a (for example) lesbian-only Reddit page, then saying He/him doesn’t really work in your favour.


Joesph_Kerr

*"Owning the libs and femanazis 101"* /s


BeEverything

Ya’ll, “they” exists and isn’t that hard to use. Haven’t you ever talked about an opposite gender friend you didn’t want your parents to tease you about? “My friend Alex and I went to the movies. They almost lost their ticket but luckily we found it outside in the parking lot.” Not that hard. I don’t mind as much on this account but my main has the word “woman” in it and I still get people calling me “he” and acting all “bro”. It’s annoying because if they’re nice it’s hard to correct them without sounding uptight and bitchy.


Alara-Ni

Does they not exist to people????


Moaoziz

I don't know if the usage of they as a neutral word is something that appeared just recently but I had lessons in English as a foreign language during almost my whole educational career and I didn't know this until about 1 or 2 years ago.


DoveBirdNL

As a non native English speaker. They them sounds super weird to use. Because when translated they them refers to a large group. So i would never use they them because it sounds super weird grammarly not because I don't want to.


headless_boi

I would say it is. If you don't know it's not a big deal to make a guess even if you end up being wrong. Also while online I also often just go for whichever gender is more probable to be on the specific sub/page/group or if it's a place where I think people would make a big deal put of something like that I go for they. But basically I get called the wrong thing 90% of the time and I've never really cared or minded :)


TheSmeep

I take a guess. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong, they ain't gonna die by being misgendered.


m0t4k3z

You can refer to me as re/tard and I would give absolutely no fucks about it.


LoadingError-

Why would you not just say “they or OP”? Seems pretty misogynistic to assume everyone is a guy


silver_salamander_22

But they are though. Don't you remember? We're on the internet. Females don't exist.


mypasswordisnot38838

I look at their avatar to use the true pronoun


finbud117

They is what you’re supposed to use when there’s an unspecified gender, so why not just use they?


Stranfort

Yes because I don’t care. It just sounds easier for me.


Cody54545

It’s all about playing the odds. In general, men make up much more of the users on Reddit so it’s fine to say he/him if you don’t know their gender. Now if you go to a (for example) lesbian-only Reddit page, then saying He/him doesn’t really work in your favour.


pyromo12

Yes but I think saying they is better


MrHallucination

No. Why would it?


nafa_mo

Cuz most Reddit users are males


Fluffy8x

Not what I'd do, but it's understandable why someone would.


asianaustralian69696

Yeah it’s fine


CashewMashu

I see people do this all the time in public and no one cares, plus Reddit is definitely majority male lol


FinQuarZ

Everyone is he/him they/them for me as a default sooo


smorgasfjord

Of course it's ok. It's not correct though


Inevitable_Jump1852

Just use they/them for now


IamLoaderBot

It doesn‘t matter


braindeadmonkey2

Doesn't the english language kinda require gender specific pronouns?


ARIKA112

Whenever I don't know the gender of an individual I just use "they/them" pronouns. This applies to reddit to


Elvis_MFN_Presley

Nobody gives a rat’s ass about “misgendering” people. That stuff is just used to cudgel people that they don’t like.


breigns2

I’d say so based on statistics. I’d say the same for assuming that people aren’t gay. Adults in the US only identify has LGB 3.5% of the time, and they report same sex attraction 11% of the time. If there’s a 90%+ chance that someone isn’t gay, then I think it’s safe to assume they aren’t. They can correct you if you’re wrong. No big deal.


Potential_Newt_2810

People take this whole topic way to deep


RedditorGuy24601

I say They or Dude. Dude is 100% gender neutral and you can’t change my mind.


Moaoziz

Dude is 0% neutral. You can't convince me that it doesn't sound gay when a dude says that he fucks dudes.


RedditorGuy24601

In that specific case, dude is very gay.


Theeletter6

Statistically he is a male


McMing333

I don’t understand why this is even a question. Like just use they/them, why would you choose to be wrong half of the time?


ValandilM

This would definitely be the obvious answer if reddit had an even 50/50 of males to females, but large majority of reddit users are male. Saying he/him until corrected, you'll be correct most of the time. I might personally use they/them, but I could see a case for he/him unless specified.


McMing333

It does not matter. One answer is wrong a large portion of the time, and can offend people, while the other is 100% right. There is no argument


MrGoalden

Lol why wouldn't it be


DaBallerMo

Don’t see an issue with it


Netalic13

Who cares


thunder-bug-

Sure, why not.


Funny_Computer_8063

It's just the default


FlopTheLegend

Anyone who gets offended by someone incorrecly assuming their gender on the internet is a hypersensitive childish person lol


god-Hunter64

Reddit is 90% men, so it’s a fair assumption, but I usually don’t use he/him when talking to people, I use you


Jackinator94

[67-69% male according to this source](https://www.alphr.com/demographics-reddit/#Age_and_Gender) But yes, Reddit is generally pretty male dominated. It's not a good idea to refer to a Redditor as he/him or she/her if you don't know their gender, but you do have a higher chance of being correct if you use the former pronouns.


Ullumina

Her is too specific and they/them just sounds stupid so I say him


Haley178

How is her too specific but him isn't lol


Fair-Perspective-987

Depends what sub you're on.


DinkaHakumai

Call me whatever you feel like. If you're fragile enough to get hurt by a random person you'll never meet calling you something, you should stay out of the internet.


TableCatz

Is it ideal? No. They/them is better. Is it ok? Yes. They might not have known that they/them could be used. They might be a non-native speaker who's relatively new to speaking English. It could've been a typo, or they could've just forgot to say they. I don't think it's ok to say everyone who says he is a misogynist/transphobic/something. But people who say stuff like hAhA ReDdiT nO HaS GiRl 😳🤔🤨 are annoying


LemonFerret1102

They should just invent a new gender neutral pronoun that doesn't double as a plural pronoun, maybe shim or something like that


Basen7601

There actually is a word for that in Swedish it's called hen he= han she=hon although it's not liked by a good majority


justadogwithaphone

He/him is just one of the generic terms when you don’t know imo


Aissathebeergod

That would actually be “they”


TastyTwix

he clearly stated it’s an opinion lol, there is no right answer


Aissathebeergod

There is a right answer. It’s they.


MegaAirplanelover

They works for a collective group, but not for a single individual. Now in Spanish, the word for he, she, it, and they is the same. Problem is English has multiple words.


Aissathebeergod

Whatever you say


silver_salamander_22

whatever he says


Aissathebeergod

Thing about people like you is you tried to hard to troll and it didn’t even bother me 😂


justadogwithaphone

That’s a matter of opinion, not a fact.


Aissathebeergod

No. They is gender neutral. He isn’t so you’re wrong lmao


justadogwithaphone

to each their own


Viceroy420

Notice you didn't say "his" just then.


justadogwithaphone

Because “to each their own” is a saying


Viceroy420

The original phrase was "to each his own" lol


MegaAirplanelover

It would be “it”. They is plural.